Who knew that spending a day nibbling on an assortment of rare cheeses could be made even better by sharing the experience with an escort? Yes, you heard that right! No, not the kind of escort you’re imagining if your brain has been led astray by Hollywood clichés. I’m talking about a professional companion who makes any activity more engaging, enjoyable, and memorable. And if you’ve ever tried to decide between a crumbly Stilton and a gooey Brie on your own, you’ll understand how important moral support can be.
So there I was, wandering through Birmingham’s lively artisan market, which was buzzing with stalls selling everything from handmade pottery to organic honey. The star attraction for me, however, was the cheese. Rows upon rows of artisan wheels, blocks, and wedges, all vying for attention like a lactose-fuelled talent show. Naturally, I needed someone by my side to help me make the best (or at least the most entertaining) choices. Enter my escort, a person with the kind of charisma that could make a damp Wednesday in January feel like a summer festival.
The first stop on our cheese odyssey was a stall proudly displaying a cheese that looked like it had been chiselled out of a medieval castle wall. “That’s a 24-month-aged Lancashire,” the cheesemonger explained. My escort nodded thoughtfully, asked insightful questions about its flavour profile, and even convinced me to pair it with a dollop of fig chutney. I’d never felt so sophisticated in my life. Without them, I’d probably have just mumbled, “I’ll take the yellow one.”
Next up was a wheel of Truffle Pecorino that was so pungent it practically announced itself. My escort, ever the brave adventurer, took the first bite and assured me it was worth the olfactory assault. Reader, they were right. It was rich, earthy, and the kind of cheese you’d eat slowly, as though savouring a fine wine. I realised having a companion there wasn’t just about enjoying the food; it was about sharing the little moments of surprise and delight that come with every bite.
By the time we got to the blue cheese section, my palate had gone on quite the journey. The escort, meanwhile, was still full of energy, asking for suggestions, chatting with stall owners, and introducing me to pairings I would’ve never thought of—like Roquefort with a drizzle of lavender honey. Who thinks of these things? Apparently, my brilliant cheese-sampling sidekick does.
And it wasn’t just about the cheese. Wandering through the market with someone who genuinely seemed to enjoy the experience added a layer of joy to the whole affair. Whether we were debating the merits of smoked cheddar versus aged Gouda or trying to guess what on earth “ash-rubbed goat cheese” might taste like (answer: smoky and divine), the day felt like an adventure rather than just a food sampling session.
As we finally stumbled upon a stall selling tiny cheesecakes (because why not end on a sweet note?), I realised how much I’d appreciated having someone there who wasn’t just a food enthusiast but also a great conversationalist. They weren’t there to rush me or judge me for eating my body weight in dairy—they were there to make the day better. And they succeeded.
So, if you ever find yourself at an artisan market in Birmingham—or anywhere, really—and the idea of spending hours trying to choose between cheeses feels daunting, consider bringing along an escort. Not only will they help you navigate the stalls, but they’ll also turn the entire day into an unforgettable outing. Because let’s face it, cheese is great, but sharing the experience? That’s the real treat.